u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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