Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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