i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
