I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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