I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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