Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
