After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
