i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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