your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
