We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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