I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
