Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
