I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will be naked everywhere
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
