1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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