I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
