dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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