I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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