How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
