If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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