Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
