No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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