Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He told me they were just razor bumps!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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