When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
