My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
