tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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