ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
