I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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