i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
