I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
