just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
