$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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