You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
