I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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