i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
