I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
