I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
