Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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