there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
