i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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