How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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