Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
