I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
