Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
