Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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