I hate your face
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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