I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
this hospital has no fireball
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
