They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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