last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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