you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
