Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
