I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
