God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
